How We Met

This isn’t the beginning of some romantic, soppy love story, but rather the difficult and awkward illustration of how my squeeze and I met.

Amazingly enough, the man I now compliment endlessly for his good looks and soft lips received no compliments from me on the night that we met.

In fact, I spent most of the night trying to make up my mind whether he was a pest that I should ignore or a potential suitor worth giving my time.

It was the night of my birthday and my girlfriends and I were out and about at the bars and pubs on our local high street celebrating.

After cocktails at one of the swanky bars we moved on to a pub that doubled up as a nightclub and paid our £5 to get in and get our groove on.

Not long after we’d got in and found a spot at the bar to order some drinks, my latest squeeze had zero’d in on me.

I was stood with my back to him and his giant of a friend, facing my friends who were ordering their JD’s and cokes.

I could feel his eyes staring at me, intrigue and desire vibrating my way.

FYI, I love this kind of attention from men!

To know that they’re looking at me, wanting me….

Ooh, I love it.

I want men to want me.

And this man did.

I played stush though (posh/stuck-up/hard-to-get to those who don’t know!) and didn’t mind him.

If he wanted to make an approach, he would have to find his own way into my world.

I wasn’t going to make it easy for him!

And so, he found his way in and with a line that could quite easily have been concocted specifically for the purpose of picking up young ladies such as myself.

“Do you go to the university around here?” he asked, shouting above the loud volume of the music.

“You look familiar.”

What can I say?

He spoke and I chose to engage him.

Did I buy the line?

No, not really.

But I did accept the compliments he showered me with about my new ‘diva’ haircut, as he called it.

He was feeling it and he was feeling me!

I wasn’t feeling him.

Yes, I responded to his advances and conversation, listening semi-attentively as he talked in my ear about his business.

But from the, “What does he want?” looks I was getting from my friends, I wasn’t trying to look like I was actually going along with this…even though I was!

By the time the pub-come-night club closed and they kicked us out onto the street outside (and also into the pouring rain) he’d got my number, handed over willingly by me.

Again, what can I say?

He asked, I gave up resisting for once that night (one of my finer moments) and went with it!

Having already shot him down by maintaining my silence when he begged to know what it took for him to “get” me (the answer was coach tickets to and from London – pretty reasonable, huh?), I managed to keep the eager beaver that was soon to be my new squeeze on-side.

He was, I must admit, a great conversationalist.

There was never a dry moment of conversation between us and as my remaining girlfriend and I stood under the shelter of a hood in the pouring rain accompanied by my admirer and his friend, I thoroughly enjoyed my time with him.

The easy back and forth of conversation about what I did and a little bit more about what he did was great. And as we walked to my friend’s apartment building (where my bag of clothes, that I’d changed out of before we left, was stashed) I found myself ‘going with the flow’ and allowing him to take my hand in his as we walked.

When we all sat down on the benches in the lobby of my friend’s apartment building, still talking and enjoying the moment, I marvelled as he burst into song.

I’d watched a Bollywood movie where the male character sang a love song to his female best friend in the scenes leading up to the point where he realises she is the love of his life.

Now, I’m not saying that I’m the love of his life (or vice versa) but here, live in living colour, holding my hand and gazing sweetly into my eyes was this man who, I was strangely comfortable with, serenading me singing words of love, passion and desire.

I may still have awkwardly been unsure of whether I was giving this guy the green light to come into my life, but I could see what was going on as clear as day.

He was feeling me, feeling me, FEELING ME!

And oh yes, before I forget, he was a true gentleman.

In need of a lift home, I didn’t mince my words when asking him for a ride, and he obliged.

In the back of my mind, I had fears and doubts of him and his friend driving me down some back alley and doing unthinkable things to me, but he was so nice!

He drove me straight home. No detours, no funny business.

Awesome!

Oh, he’s a sweet guy.

So, in something a bit bigger than a nutshell, there it is…

The story of how we met.

It was awkward and difficult because of the many ways in which I was resisting him from within. You see, despite giving him my number (and getting him to call me immediately so I could have his number – I like caller ID and prefer to know who’s calling me before I decide to answer the call!) and essentially giving him an in-road into my life (and boy did he want that in-road) I was still undecided about whether I actually wanted him in my life!

It was only after a late night chat with my sister that night where I shared everything that had gone down between us (including the Bollywood moment in my friend’s apartment building) that I realised what an idiot I’d been not to have been on-board with him sooner and get myself a man!

You see, I enjoy having a man.

And here was a man, hot on me, approaching me and wanting me.

What better offer was there than this guy right here, right now?

The answer was none!

It’s not often that I get men making moves on me.

In fact, the last man to make a move on me was back in 2009!

I would have been a fool to miss out on this opportunity and enjoy.

So, shoo! I decided to enjoy!

He Called!

It’s been a week and three days since I last heard from my squeeze.

Then today, out of the blue, completely unexpected…

And just when I was making new plans for the upcoming weekend I’d intended to spend mostly with him…

He called!

To say that I was surprised is to exactly define my reaction.

I’d long given up on hearing from him, resigned to the belief that his un-serious ass had decided to shack up at the Black Man’s Fan Club and enjoy multiple sexual favours from women he didn’t know in rooms full of spectators.

I’d moved on.

And I’d picked up writing and filled the void in my life that usually would have had me dying for some communication from him.

In all this time (a week and three days) I haven’t heard a peep from him!

No text, no phone-call, despite the text messages that I sent him.

Okay, so they weren’t exactly text messages designed to elicit a response, like, “Hey, how’s your day going?” or “Hey, are you having a good day?”

No, they were more along the lines of, “Hey, I hope you’re having a good day. Just finished work and on my way home now. Chat later. x x x”

Anyhoo, that aside, he called and the romance, as it were, is back on.

To use my sister’s words, if I don’t hang on to him, it’ll only be some other chump who’s in my life in the next few months and this guy is not only fine but treats me nice too.

So hey, here’s to that upcoming weekend!

When Julie met Peter...

She went straight up crazy!

He was tall, he was white and he was fine looking.

She couldn’t have asked for more of a perfect package, and what’s more when he talked to her, he was genuinely interested in having a conversation with her!

It was a wonderful moment and one she looked back on with fondness.

Okay, enough with the talking in the third person.

I am Julie and it was I who went straight up crazy.

We met as I was leaving the management block at work.

He was further down the corridor and held the door open while I caught up to where he was.

I thanked him and he smiled and I made a comment about what he was wearing – theatre blues.

You see, my sister worked in theatres for years and had told me about how they wore theatre blues, blue tunics and trousers in the department.

She also told me that they are comfy a lot like pyjamas (FYI).

When I made my comment, I was thinking that he worked in theatres, as it turned out though he didn’t.

The endoscopy unit was where he worked and as luck would have it (or rather, a new appointment courtesy of NHS Jobs) he would be joining me and my fellow colleagues in the block following a promotion!

I had all the more reason to smile after learning that tit bit of information.

I would soon have the pleasure of seeing his fine ass everyday!

Ha ha!

How wonderful it all seemed back then.

Who knew that I could blow up and melt down all at the same time over this guy and be left dreading his arrival in the department!

I didn’t until it happened.

It was a few days before he was due to start in his new job and he had popped upstairs (the offices were located at the top of a very long flight of stairs) to see a colleague about something or the other.

Anyway, as he passed my desk he went past without uttering a single word to me.

Now here’s the thing about it.

You can’t enter the block without seeing my desk.

Like my colleague Stevie’s desk in front of me, it faces the main doors.

So, you can’t say you didn’t see me because you definitely would have.

I would have been one of the first people you saw upon entering.

If you don’t acknowledge me, it means you’re ignoring me!

So, long story short, Peter ignored me.

I hated that.

I so much wanted him to acknowledge me and here I was getting absolutely nothing!

If I’d known then that that was nothing to concern myself over, I guess I would have considered putting an end to my freakout and imminent meltdown because things were about to get worse.

Not only did he ignore me on his way into the block, he also ignored me on his way out of the block. And the icing on the cake? He stopped at Stevie’s desk – in front of mine – and proceeded to have a five minute chat with her, all the while looking in my direction!

Now, Stevie’s a married woman, so there was never going to be any chance of her and him hooking up (as I wanted me and Peter to!).

And that was a very very good thing.

The problem for me was that he liked her.

And that was only a problem because of how bloody upbeat, bubbly and sociable she was.

What man wouldn’t like her?

She was also really cute, wore the cutest little outfits (she has the loveliest little petite figure), and was clearly a confident and outgoing person who looked like she had her shit together.

I, on the other hand, did not.

And my outfits were far from cute – they were and still are practical!

I wanted men to like me.

And right here, right now I wanted Peter to like me and yet instead of even acknowledging me with a hello or even a smile, he was all up in Stevie’s grill talking to her and laughing with her!

From that day I lost the plot.

It’s like I shattered into pieces when it came to Peter and I dreaded him being in the office full-time.

What had started as something I had SO looked forward to (I’d had numerous day dreams about him being my man) was now the complete opposite.

Funnily enough though, when Peter finally did make the move into the office, I was absolutely fine.

And in time, I too had my chats with him that I’d envied Stevie for.

In time I also noticed the slight pot belly that Peter had and the puppy fat that should have gone around the time of puberty but somehow decided to hang around.

He wasn’t the dashing guy I’d bumped into that day he held the door open for me in his theatre blues.

No doubt, he was still a looker and he certainly knew how to dress in a nice charcoal grey suit and matching tie…

But what can I say, he’d lost some of his appeal.

Just as well for me though, I’d have been driven to distraction otherwise and the pile of work that already threatened to wipe me out, most certainly would have drowned me!

The Black Man’s Fan Club

My new "squeeze" and I had just enjoyed a fabulous session on his couch.

Leather, by the way!

And after getting back into my clothes (he got into his uniform) we got ready to leave the house so he could drop me off at home and start making his way to work.

I joined him in the kitchen once I'd put my trainers and coat on and watched as he made some coffee to take with him in his silver and black flask.

As he went about his way, he suddenly launched into conversation about a swinging club he'd recently been to - the Black Man's Fan Club is what it was called and it was designed for women with an appreciation for a black man.

Now, he’d told me about this club the previous day when he’d confessed to going there shortly after we met. It hadn’t been a problem yesterday but today, right here and right now it was a HUGE problem.

As he rattled on and on about the delights of watching "professionals" get it on and learning new moves in bed from watching the man get it on in public with the woman I became increasingly aware of the fact that this man was interested in giving it a go.

I knew and understood that someone didn't talk so much (and so excitedly) about something and not want to do it.

No way! 

The way I saw it, he actually wanted to get involved and get it on in front of a room full of people.

Just to be sure, I decided to ask him if it was something he would want to do and to my horror, he answered yes.

Of course I didn't let on that I was horrified.

Oh no!

I wanted it to look like it was all cool with me and that it wasn't anything but a thing.

But shoo! It was a thing.

As it was, I was already struggling with the fact that he might not be willing to be the father to my unborn child as I wanted (another long story).

Now he wants to add swinging and multiple sexual partners to the equation?!

I can do jealousy and messed up over a man all by myself, I don't need his help with that!

So, then the inevitable question came.

"What about you Miss J? Is this something you would want to do?"

"Hell no!" is what I wanted to scream, but opted for something more sedate and less indicative of how anti I was about all this.

I didn't want either of us going to a swinging club and I certainly didn't want this conversation to be going on.

I mean, of all the things to talk about, he picks this?

Just the other day he was talking about how he only wanted me and today he's talking about getting it on with other people?!

Ha!

Right there I saw just how unserious a guy he was.

One day it's one thing and the next it's another.

He says he just wants a normal life but when he thinks becoming an attendee at the Black Man's Fan Club will open up his mind and liberate him, a girl's gotta see the forest for the trees and run!